Title: baby i got your number and i know that you got mine
Fandom: The Avengers/Thor
Pairing(s): Darcy Lewis/Clint 'Hawkeye' Barton, Hinted at Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Word Count: 6411
Summary: Clint Barton thinks he knows how exactly to woo a girl like Darcy Lewis. Captain America keeps letting him know he dosen't. Darcy meanwhile, has her own plans.Office! AU
Author Notes: I ambitously signed up for the AUBigBang. Guess what? I managed to finish too. :DD Sure, I just threw myself headfirst into a fandom I dont know very well but hey, let's focus on the positives right? Nerves aside, I hope I did this okay? Please forgive me for any character inconsitensies, I tried my best. Hope you like!
Also, do do check out the lovely art and the mix by the fabulous dwg for this fic. (IT'S SO AWESOME A GIRL COULD CRY. :').
Part One. (Cause eljay is a scumbag :/)
“This is your idea of wooing her?”
Steve is usually the politest of guys, come what may be the situation but even someone as thick-skinned as Clint can tell when Captain America or rather Steve Rogers is eyeing him with a look filled with extreme skepticism.
“Is there a better plan?”
“How ‘bout asking her out on a date, or buying her flowers like I suggested?” Steve looks faintly offended that Clint is not sold on his gentlemanly wooing ideas.
“I’m not a flowers and date kind of guy,” Clint hedges, making quick work of messing up Darcy’s desk and hiding small clues in-between. They are small post-it’s on which he’s printed song lyrics from some of his favourite love songs. He’s not a complete idiot either. He may not be Captain America but he does pretty okay as Clint Barton/Hawkeye.
Steve looks dubious.
Clint finishes up what he’s doing and ushers Steve out of the room.
And I don’t think she’s a flowers and date kind of girl either.”
“I don’t think she’s the kind of girl who appreciates having her desk messed up either.”
As Clint speeds Steve along the corridor, his voice drops to a hushed whisper.
“I mean, she’s Phil’s assistant. And she always knows more than him.”
“I know. I think she just might be the girl of my dreams.”
Clint sighs happily.
He’s only nursed a torch for the spirited Darcy Lewis for the better part of a year now.
She first came to S.H.E.I.L.D as the only intern who had applied to Dr. Foster’s internship programme. Darcy had needed a few credits to graduate and Dr. Foster needed an intern so that University Grants Commission wouldn’t stop the grants that were needed to fund her research work concerning the Einstein-Rosen bridge or rip in the time space continuum or whatever it is that she did. Clint’s little hazy on the details.
Needless to say it wasn’t the best of relationships. Dr. Foster required an intern who actually knew what an atom’s mass amounted too and Darcy while willing to work and certainly not lacking in the intelligence department couldn’t be bothered to dredge up what little high school Physics she remembered. Relations from then on it’s self were strained. Darcy couldn’t understand Dr. Foster’s need to go crazy over a whiteboard hashing out equations, 24/7 while Dr. Foster couldn’t understand the need for Darcy to have music blaring as she collated data she didn’t understand. But despite all this fractiousness, both of them preserved through the semester, because certain needs were the devil and even formed some sort of a grudging friendship based on a mutual love for Pop Tarts and Hot Pockets. When the semester was done, and credits and grants were awarded on either side, both of them bid each other goodbye with poorly disguised relief.
Unfortunately, S.H.E.I.L.D couldn’t let go of Darcy Lewis just as yet. Working with Dr. Foster had required S.H.E.I.L.D giving her a certain amount of clearance. They hadn’t been too happy about letting a complete civilian in. But then again, they didn’t have agents to spare and Dr. Foster wouldn’t hear of an agent acting as an intern so that was that and Darcy filled the position. And because Darcy had amassed a certain amount of clearance, S.H.E.I.L.D couldn’t just let her go without there being a hundred one clauses and waivers signed, some denying the existence of everything even remotely connected to S.H.E.I.L.D. While they figured out how best to tackle the situation, Darcy drifted around the office aimlessly for bit before she ran into Phil Coulson. One thing led to another and a few days later, word spread around the water filter that Phil Coulson had a new assistant and it was the girl who used to sing aloud tunelessly in Dr. Foster’s labs. And so it turned out that Coulson and Darcy had been a far better fit than Dr. Foster and Darcy because as Phil Coulson’s assistant Darcy Lewis was scarily efficient at getting work done. And in general, getting things done. Or getting people to do them.
Even more so than Coulson.
Most of the office tended to regard her with some amount of awe and amusement. There had been only one person other than Coulson who had gone toe to toe with Fury and lived to tell the tale. Darcy Lewis was it. And they had gone toe to toe over coffee of all things. You didn’t take the last of the coffee without re-filling. Fury did. Darcy went up in arms. Words were exchanged. Subtle and mostly vague incomprehensible threats were made on either side. In the end, Coulson brokered a peace agreement. Leaving an empty filter was not okay. However, if there were time crunches and fresh coffee could not be made, a note would be left. Grudging admissions of acceptance were taken from both parties. However this also established that there was a new badass in town.
That moment, when Clint had seen her face off with Fury, with neither of them backing down even an inch, his heart sort of slid out of the cavity in his chest and deposited it’s self humbly at Darcy’s lace-up boot clad feet.
But other than not only being amazing and badass, and the queen of Clint’s heart was Darcy was nice. She had no hang-ups, spoke to anyone and everyone and was cheerful as anyone could be without being on happy pills. She took everything with a pinch of salt and treated all the Avengers just as if they were normal people, with a little bit of pumped up action hormones on the side. Most importantly, Darcy Lewis was refreshingly and just enough on this side of the crazy scale to make her come across as endearing.
And maybe going toe to toe with Fury was the stupidest thing anyone had ever done cause you don’t EVER do that, even Clint with his mostly blatant disregard for rules doesn’t do that but there is something admirable about that kind of foolhardy stupidity/bravery that makes Clint’s heart sing.
“I do not understand why you have this fascination for women, who uh…” Steve fishes around for the right words before completing, “are dangerous to your health.”
What he actually means is cut off your balls because that is exactly the kind of thing Darcy will do if she feels you have wronged her.
“Not that Darcy isn’t a good person,” he adds conscientiously. “She’s a very good person.”
“I like her a lot.” Clint can’t blame Steve for sounding bemused when he admits that. “I can never understand her sense of humour though. I don’t know when she’s being serious and when she’s not.”
Darcy does that to you. She’s a ninja. You come to like her without even knowing how you came to like her in the first place. She just sneaks up on you. Metaphorically of course. Physically, Darcy is loud and clumsy as they come and unashamed and unapologetic about it.
Clint’s with him on the humour bit though. He’s from this century and even he doesn’t get most of Darcy’s pop culture references.
“I just don’t think she’s the kind of person who appreciates having her desk all worried.”
“You stop worrying Steve. Once Darcy finds those notes, everything will fall into place.”
“For the sake of your health, I hope so.” Steve tells him kindly as they head into the cafeteria. Clint’s mind automatically replaces the word health with balls. Steve may be all manners but hell, Clint’s got no illusions as to what will happen should anything go wrong.
But good things don’t come by easily. And man’s got to go down fighting if nothing else.
Clint and Steve somehow situate themselves in the vicinity when it’s about time for Darcy to arrive at her desk.
At sharp ten on the dot, Darcy arrives.
At ten oh one, a deathly silence fills the air.
“I will not ask again. Now tell me, who decided to be a jackass and mess up my desk?”
Darcy looks around, her eyes pin points of laser like focus. She looks annoyed and confused and everyone else around looks confused and scared.
Steve turns to Clint with a raised eyebrow of ‘I told you so but you wouldn’t listen, now revel in your own stupidity’.
Clint ignores that and decides to wander over, tugging an unwilling Steve with him.
“Lewis. What happened to your desk?” Clint asks, maintaining a blank expression. For Steve, it is not that easy. Subterfuge is always hard and Steve is not a proponent of it and nor will he be an enthusiastic participant in it. He looks like a baby squirrel died in his arms. Clint nudges him not so subtly.
“I don’t know.” Darcy sounds irritable. On the inside, Clint is just about beginning to die slowly.
“I mean, look at it. It’s like some doped fratboy’s idea of a joke. I had so much stuff that I organized and kept. And now it’s a black hole again. It makes me want to cry.” Darcy’s lips wobble a bit and Clint can see the faint sheen of tears behind her glasses.
Clint’s heart just flat out wilts and dies. Probably, Steve can see something of him shriveling up because he steps in. To save the day.
Clint may or may not have planted one on him later which sparks off a sexual identity crisis for Captain America. It gets resolved though but that’s another story for another day.
“Clint and I can help you clean it up. We’ll also catch the culprit for you.”
Clint nods with a strained smile. This was NOT AT ALL a part of his plan.
“You, Steve are a doll.” Darcy beams and comes around her desk to hug him.
“And so are you Barton.” A beaming smile is sent his way.
Sadly, no hugs for Clint. But that’s okay. He at least got a megawatt smile out of all this nonsense.
Clint surreptiously watches Darcy out of the corner of his eye as he organizes a stack of paper and she shuffles through a sheaf of papers.
The shuffling drops a yellow square piece of paper loose. Darcy doesn’t notice. So Clint does something extremely ridiculous.
He snatches the paper from where it had fallen and pockets it. Okay, it’s not ridiculous as much as doing stuff like this that makes him feel ridiculous.
He’s hidden about four notes. One down and three to go. Obviously, he needs a new plan.
He’s able to pocket the next two really easily, just because Steve and Darcy are having a conversation centered around lavender for god knows what reason.
Of course, it is then typical that his luck must run out on the fourth note.
Because it had gotten entangled along with some requisition forms and Darcy’s sorting them out like her life depends on it. Honestly, why did he think mucking up her desk and hiding song lyrics had been a good idea? Was he drunk when he thought of it? And then the night of his grand plan comes back to him. Yes, he had been shit-faced and everything had seemed like a brilliant plan then.
He then notices the innocuous yellow note lying on top of form and Darcy picking it up with a curious look.
“We need a coffee break!” He jumps up and shouts.
Darcy perks up immediately.
“Good idea Barton.” And Clint just smiles at her awkwardly. At least she appreciates something that is a product of his idiotic brain.
Steve though gives him an odd look and he points out the note he swiped back. Steve just sighs, in a pained exasperated manner which as far as he will say ‘I told you so’ and this one time, Clint can’t help but agree.
All through their coffee break, which Clint pays for because his guilty conscience is working overtime, Clint doesn’t say much. Well, he normally doesn’t say much either so nothing seems amiss. Also, Steve and Darcy seem quite content carrying on a conversation with only occasional input from him so that just gives him ample time to cogitate over what to actually do next.
For the next thirty minutes, Clint cogitates so hard he feels like his brain is going to burst. Also, he’s got nothing to show for all the wheels which turned so furiously in this head that they just might have left trails of fire in their wake.
Darcy waves her hand in front of her face. “I can practically see the wheels turning in your head dude. What’s up? Spill.”
Clint blinks. He didn’t think his distraction is obvious. He’s just about to say that he’s thinking of the best way to find the desk messers and deal with them (heh.) when Steve jumps in and replies for him and shoves everything down the drain.
“Clint’s thinking of how to woo this young lady whom he has a crush on.”
Clint is horrified enough that his normally controlled face falls through and a completely flabbergasted expression shows up on his face.
“Steve!” Clint almost-screeches, sounding like a scandalized old lady.
For a moment Darcy herself looks stunned and Clint kids himself into thinking that she looked disappointed because the expression vanishes like it was never there and instead he’s faced with a grinning beaming Darcy and really, all he would like to do now is go get shit-faced until he can forget this ever happened.
“So, who is she? Tell me. I won’t tell anyone. Pinky swear.” Darcy holds out her pinky and looks appealingly at him, doe eyes fluttering.
“Clint’s too shy.” Steve chips in again. And honestly, when did Steve become Clint’s mouthpiece? Clint wishes he could just clamber over the table and deck him one but he’s sitting with Darcy and there are strict rules to be followed in the cafeteria unfortunately.
“Aw, isn’t that adorable?”
Clint would like to die of shame. Like right now, please.
“Unfortunately, we are kind of stuck on what to do. Any chance you could help us out?” Steve looks beseechingly at Darcy. The moron actually takes her hand in his and does his puppy dog act and of course, Darcy melts like a ton of bricks in the face of it.
Clint now just wants to clobber Captain America to death.
“Of course. I’ll help you out. I bet Clint doesn’t even know how to woo a girl properly.”
“Hey!” Clint snaps out, offended and put out.
“Aw, chill out Barton. With my help, you’ll have this girl falling all over you in no time.”
Clint just looks miserable. Darcy IS the girl. How can she help him get the girl when she’s it? Clint can only see this ending in disaster with Darcy chopping off his balls in the end or doing something equally painful for being such a liar and all around ass.
“So do I now at least get to know who the girl is? Because you know, I’m being awesome and helping you out and little information goes a long way.”
“No.” Clint grinds out. He’s about to stand up and stalk away in a dramatic fit that would look really stupid upon later introspection but thankfully, Coulson comes by and fixes Darcy with a simple raised brow.
“Ahaha. Boss. Bossman. So this not me skipping out on filing the leave allocation forms. This is me just getting my coffee and then getting back to work like a good little gopher.”
Coulson just smiles pleasantly at her.
“Got to run. We’re so talking about this later on.” She takes a look at Coulson who’s still standing there patiently.
“All after work Boss. Wouldn’t dream of gossiping on the company’s dime.” She amends before racing off after giving them a cheeky wave and blowing Coulson a kiss which strangely enough makes him turn a light pink.
“Gentlemen.” Coulson nods before setting off to wherever he was going too and Clint takes a few seconds to count to ten before he skins Steve alive.
“Now, before you kill me, let just me tell you what I figured out,” Steve shoots out, raising placating hands.
“Killing will be too kind for you,” Clint mutters, feeling a tad homicidal. “Jesus fucking Christ, what were you thinking you moron?”
“I was thinking if she came up with the plans to woo the lady who is essentially her own self, then maybe you can lose the tortured Romeo act and actually make a go of a relationship. I mean, it not like you had the plan of the century worked out. Unless you did, in which case, please do share.” Steve is as dry and deadpan as he can get, and while he’s capable of sarcasm, it’s not something he usually uses so when he does, it stings twice as much.
“Oh. But I’m still going to be mad at you because that was the bro code. You simply do not pull shit like that. Not at least without a heads-up.”
“I’m sorry.” Steve looks contrite and Clint reminds himself that Steve only ever does everything out the goodness of his heart and anyway, at this rate, thanks to Steve’s new plan, he’ll get to spend a lot more time with Darcy. Also, maybe the bro-code was a little different during his day? Either way, Steve is one of the people Clint finds very hard to stay mad at for long. It’s not that he’s made of mush or anything, hell no but in many ways, he and Steve are pretty similar. They are both men of action, not of words though clearly, Steve is blessed in the ladies department cause no one seems to fall all over Clint like they do on Steve but yeah, point being, he and Steve are bros. Though Steve might need to be updated on the recent changes in the code.
“It’s okay. Fuck it. It’s a much better plan than what I would have come up with anyways.”
“Thank you. I just wanted to help you. You’ve been mooning for so long and I wanted to do something.”
Clint just punches him in the arm and grins before dragging Steve off to meet Natasha. They are going out for lunch. More importantly, Steve and Natasha will be going out for lunch because she would like to spend some time with Steve watching him blush. Clint is just going along for the ride and also so that he can tease Natasha mercilessly.
And just for the record, Clint was mooning about his feelings for Darcy. Mooning is for cows he thinks. Nor was he pining. He was just being stoic about it like a manly man would.